The List

After trying on our own before starting with the Fertility Specialist (Jeff calls this B.D. before doctors) I would get upset each month when there was no occupancy. My emotions have been heighten the last 6 months working with the Fertility Specialist (A.D. after doctor). If I was to have it on a scale B.D. fell between 4-6 (1 being low emotion 10 not getting out of bed and eating ice cream for 2 days). A.D. scale is has been 2 level 6's, 2 level 7's, 1 level 9 and 1 level 10.

Through this process I have learned 1) I am not alone 2) My husband is a a very patient and loving man 3) I have some amazing friends and some that just will never understand & 4) I have discovered the list.

The list came after a crying session and making brownies with my best friend. In her comforting tone she started to list all the things that I can do because of my lack of tenant(s). This got me thinking, each month I wait and pray for occupancy and the disappointment can be so overwhelming. Just when I think I am relaxing and feeling fine a level 7 destruction comes on as I pee on another stick that reads "no room at the inn".

Jeff and I prepared the list of things that we can do to celebrate another month as DINK's (double income no kids). Below is the start of the list. Please share any suggestions. Who knows how long before someone takes up residency:)

• Go to Cedar Point for roller coasters
• A wild night on the town
• A wild night in
• Get a tattoo
• Go Skydiving
• A long weekend away in NY (already planned and super excited about it)
• A day in bed being so lazy we have to play rock, scissors, paper to see who has to get up to get the delivered pizza
• Last minute trip to Vegas
• White water rafting
• Enjoying a bottle of champagne and strawberry's for no reason
• Learn how to drive a motorcycle

Not down for the count!

Just like you watch in a wrestling match the woman in the bikini walks across the stage with the round sign. I wonder sometimes if I have been KO'd? Could I be the come back kid? That is the basket I have been putting my eggs(hee hee) into. The feeling of being knocked out each month and something inside me keeps getting back up and asking for more.

Last month was one of the worst KO's yet. I didn't want to get back up and the thought of this round was painful and honestly I would have more willingly gotten a route canal. But, I went back for more with the hope that this month will bring us closer to adding an occupant. Life lesson coming from this life in general is going to serve up some knock outs and sometimes we lose but it is the best feeling when we get back up and win!

So cheers to all you winners!

Urban Legend #1

So these urban legends may not be scary but they seem almost as unreal as the ones where you wake up in an ice bath with your kidney gone. After, a couple of years of not have an occupant you discover that everyone knows the couple who were unable to conceive for a couple of years. They had made the decision to adopt. 2 days before the adoption they find out they are pregnant. The overwhelming happy couple and their 2 beautiful children live happily ever after.

Moral of this urban legend the moment that you relax you will become pregnant. For my friends going through infertility this urban legend is a little of a son of a bitch. For a one reason.

RELAX: This seems easy enough right. Relax and you will magically conceive. Friends, relaxing is not always the problem and the fact that people tell you to relax is frustrating and overwhelming. Don't you think I would relax if I could. Forget for 5 minutes that I am having issues trying to have an occupant. I really would if I could. Yes, I know couples like this exist but be cautioned my friends if you don't know their names they aren't friends and you are telling an urban legend.

Luxury Uterus Available

Luxury Uterus available for immediate occupancy. 1 tenant but no more then 3 will be preferred. All utilities included. Room, Board & free cable. Includes plush lining. No smokers or drinkers and good diet. 9 month lease available. Clean and ready to move in when you are.

Pathway to Parenthood

The announcement of my brother and sister-in laws pregnancy got Jeff and me thinking. Maybe, after the last 7 1/2 years as a couple and 3 1/2 years married we were ready for the next chapter. As the responsible adults we are we went out celebrated our decision (aka got drunk:) and starting practicing for our first child. The first 6 months were fun. For the first time in our relationship no birth control ( I had actually stopped taking birth control a year before we were married) and no condoms. We were hopeful each month but not paying too much attention to the days and the times we had to engage for our maximum fertility. 6 months came and went and we were no closer to our first child. We didn't want to freak out so we waited another 6 months before going to the doctors. We were just under 2 years before my gynecologist looked and me and said "we have taken you as far as we can. It's time for you to see a fertility specialist." I did my best impression of not just having my world fall apart, walked to my car and sobbed. I have now been with my fertility specialist for 3 months and about to start my third round of treatments with her.

This blog is in dedication to all of those who have been through or going through this journey yourself or with someone you love. My fluffy uterus is the humor I have needed to get through some days. Believe me I don't always do it with grace and dignity actually some days I look like I just got run over. I have lost faith and regained it. I have cried, laughed, been angry and frustrated, felt joy and hope, I have even laughed through tears. I still don't know why I am on this journey and if it really is making me stronger but I have no control. So I will share with you my stories and future stories of how I will make it through with a little humor and a lot of faith.